11
Jul

Casual Observation #419

Songs in my iTunes library starting with Black:

  • Black - Pearl Jam
  • Black Cadillacs - Modest Mouse
  • Black Cat - Starlight Mints
  • Black Country Woman - Led Zeppelin
  • Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
  • Black Door - The Black Keys
  • Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
  • Black Like Me - Spoon
  • Black Math - White Stripes
  • Black Mirror - Arcade Fire
  • Black Mountain Side - Led Zeppelin
  • Black Paper - Buffalo Killers
  • Black Star - Radiohead
  • Black Swan - Thom Yorke
  • Black Tambourine - Beck
  • Black Train - The Lukewarm
  • Black Umbrella - Clutch
  • Black Wave / Bad Vibrations - Arcade Fire
  • Blackbird - The Beatles

Useless statistics:

  • Artist with most “Black” songs: Led Zeppelin (3).
  • Runners up: Arcade Fire (2), Thom Yorke + Radiohead (2).
  • Biggest juxtaposition: “Black Math” by White Stripes
  • Most redundant: “Black Door” by The Black Keys
  • Number of songs matching the search query black star: 2 (”Black Star” by Radiohead, “Black Cat” by Starlight Mints)
02
May

Casual Observation #418

When driving, it is advisable to avoid running over skunks with your vehicle at all costs.

Seriously, that smell doesn’t go away easily, and regardless of whether or not your person was sprayed, you’ll walk around for hours, possibly days afterwards awkwardly smelling your clothes and your own skin.

13
Apr

Casual Observation #417

PBS loves those damned totes.

25
Mar

redneck chronicles, part one

Earlier this afternoon, a gooseneck trailer carrying sixty bales of hay somehow overturned on the road in front of my house and inexplicably burst into flames, covering my neighborhood in thick white smoke and an incredibly rank smell. This accident temporarily knocked out phone service at my estate, the use of fire hydrants caused a minor water main break, and the road was closed for nearly four hours.

The incident was reported to a local radio station by another man who witnessed the ordeal. In his account, the man provides a possible explanation for why this unfortunate accident may have occurred.

Addendum: It has come to my attention that the file previously hosted by mediafire was deleted, likely because of the name of the file.  Kudos to mediafire for not knowing what the hell is going on.

15
Mar

no, I am not moving downtown

A lot of people have asked me over the past six months why I don’t move to the city. All of these people asking such questions of me live in the city. No one in the country asks someone else in the country when he/she is moving to the city. People from the country simply know better. Urban America is hell in all of its forms: actual urban areas, the exurbs, the suburbs, it’s all the same. But because I rarely have the opportunity to explain fully to an inquiring party why I don’t want to live in the city, namely downtown Cincinnati, I figured I’d make my argument here in the form of a dozen brief statements that serve to answer fully why I’m not moving into that great empty apartment upstairs.

- The city really smells. Maybe one notices it less after living in the city for awhile, but the city smells awful. It does not smell like Earth should smell. It smells of car exhaust, industrial fallout, human decay and decaying humans [sic]. No amount of trees planted in three inches of soil in concrete medians in a half-hearted effort to”go green” (which is some horseshit that only means anything to the people in the city who are doing the bulk of the destruction to the previously green world) could freshen the air enough to make my lungs not try to crawl northward up my esophagus, projectile themselves out of my mouth and scurry away along with the Thanksgiving-turkey-sized rats already scurrying across my feet and my nose fall off like a skid-row coke addict’s. Every breath a person takes in the city is equivalent to smoking three cartons of Camel unfiltereds dipped in human waste, a substance which can conveniently enough usually be found flowing through the street-side gutters of any major metropolitan area. As noble as the “Don’t Trash the ‘Nati” campaign was (or is? is it still going on?), it hasn’t worked enough for my liking.

Continue reading ‘no, I am not moving downtown’